Maybe a Butterfly After All: according to my friend . . .

Last night after the worship encounter evening at our church (all music, no sermon) I talked to my friend about my travel plan, and she said I was going to be like a butterfly. She said I came here to North Idaho like a caterpillar, and have been in a cocoon for a long time (my comfy apartment?) and now will be coming out of the cocoon to be like a butterfly in my future travel (and service) life. I thought it was cool synchronicity that she came up with the butterfly analogy right after I'd written a blog post claiming not to be a social butterfly!

#vanlife

Truth is, the van life will put me into much closer contact with other human beings in the future, and maybe that's one of the reasons I must go there. Right now, I spend most of my time in an ivory tower. A nice two-bedroom apartment on the third floor, with a great view. Today my great view started with wet streets, from rain, and now, in the last hour, turned white with big snowflakes. Like I said, snow was on the way.

Gratitudes:

1. So grateful for the worship encounter evenings at my church, once a month. Awesome experience last night! Give it all to Jesus - and trust Him for the right results - in EVERYTHING ...

2. I'm grateful for the discussion I had with my friend (Nita) about prayer . . . about how we need to give every situation to Jesus in prayer. He wants to hear our concerns. He already knows! But He wants us to be able to identify and verbalize our concerns to Him, and trust Him with them. For example - my difficult relationships with siblings and a few other family members. I can't fix a thing and have done plenty to mess things up... so I feel my efforts are hopeless. This morning I was ruminating about my situation again, and realized that this is a situation I need to identify, pray about, and give to the Lord, and He will do His Will... which is the best thing that can be done for all involved. Praise the Lord!

3. I am grateful for Naomi's neglect of me (parental estrangement) because it has taught me to understand what God feels when His children turn away from Him. Ah, the pain of it all . . . but I was one of those children turning away from Him toward false gods and false prophets, and now that I've been welcomed back, like the prodigal son, having spent so much of my life in ignorance (agnosticism, the word, derives from the Greek word for ignorance) I'm finding Jesus still loves me, and shines His light on me, and gives me the full heart I've always yearned for. I know I am loved, and what is better than that?



Plan for the day:

1. Figure out a new budget, heading into 2019, accounting for travel expenses

2. Write a book review for my lindajomartin.com blog . . . I want to review the best books I read during 2018. I'm starting with Blue Highways.

3. Walk 4000 steps and cycle 30 minutes on my exercise bike while listening to an audiobook

Currently reading:

1. The Nightingale, by Kristen Hannah. I passed the half-way point and now I'm headed downhill. That's what the second half of a book feels like to me - the downhill half of a hike.

2. Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. I've been reading this devotional since last summer, and like it a lot. It always reminds me how much Jesus loves me.

Not a Social Butterfly: I have privacy needs

I usually manage to have a few good friends wherever I move to, and I'm very grateful for them. However, nobody has ever accused me of being a social butterfly, and that's probably because I'm not one. I'm the kind of person who is quiet when you first meet me, usually. I'm reticent, and hesitant. I'm happy to observe until I find out where I fit into a social situation or relationship.

In a vandwelling forum I've found others like me! Quite a revelation! People who live in their vans are often those who are happy to isolate themselves from the social situations most people flock to. No wonder I'm attracted to vandwelling. I just want to be left alone much of the time, and it isn't because I don't want to be with you, it is just that I value my alone-time.

I do make efforts to go out. I went to church this morning, for example, and I'll go to the worship evening. But I'm not going there to see anyone in particular, except Jesus Christ. So, that's not especially a social event yet of course it involves contact with others in my church, which I find enjoyable. They are all such sweet people. Who could not love that? Seriously!

What do I need my alone-time for? Well, it is my opportunity for creativity such as blog writing and art. It is also a great time to read a book, and since I'm the Book Lady on YouTube I do have to read books. I love to read books! Book reading takes gobs of alone-time. That's why I say I have privacy needs. Silence, quiet, solitude, peacefulness, serenity - these are all words that describe my preferred lifestyle.

I wonder what it will be like to live in a van (which I'm determined I'll soon do) and not know anyone around me in a town, and not have any social pressures to do anything unless I want to. I can wake up in the morning, get ready for whatever I want to do that day, and relax inside my van or drive and sight-see. If I need a shower I can go work out at the gym and then take my shower. If it is Sunday I'll want to find a church to worship at. If I want to make a bookish video I can hunt for a bookstore or visit a library. I can anticipate all kinds of great use for my alone time while living in a van, though I won't always be alone. The chance of making deep, lasting friendships that place social pressures on me are unlikely.

I'll still be around people when I want to be - at tourist areas, at laundromats, at gyms, in stores, at the library, and at churches on Sunday . . . I'll not be totally isolated. I'll be just fine.

I had an acquaintance who tried to make me think there was something wrong with wanting to be alone. I think there's something wrong with trying to make people feel guilty for wanting to be alone much of the time. I make time for my friends, but I'm not on call whenever/wherever . . . of course, if my friend needs me for something important, I'll switch everything around and try to make time to help, if at all possible, God willing. I hope I would never desert a friend in need.

Gratitudes:

1. I'm grateful for the church I go to - not only because Jesus is there, but because it is full of people who love Him.

2. I'm grateful that I'm reading a novel I consider great literature right now. I read it right before I go to sleep at night.

3. I'm grateful that my son phones to talk to me frequently.

Plan for the day:

1. Go to church. - done

2. Well, it is Sunday - so I'm relaxing and taking it easy.

3. Worship evening at the church.

Currently reading:

1. Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? by Jeanette Winterson - I don't remember buying this last time I subbed to Audible.com - but there it is in my library, so I'm listening to it while riding my exercise bike (30 minutes at a time). So far, holds my interest.

2. Declutter Your Mind: How to Stop Worrying, Relieve Anxiety, and Eliminate Negative Thinking, by S.J. Scott and Barrie Davenport - can't remember why I was inspired to buy the Kindle version of this book, but that's probably why I need it. I started reading it last night.