Not a Social Butterfly: I have privacy needs

I usually manage to have a few good friends wherever I move to, and I'm very grateful for them. However, nobody has ever accused me of being a social butterfly, and that's probably because I'm not one. I'm the kind of person who is quiet when you first meet me, usually. I'm reticent, and hesitant. I'm happy to observe until I find out where I fit into a social situation or relationship.

In a vandwelling forum I've found others like me! Quite a revelation! People who live in their vans are often those who are happy to isolate themselves from the social situations most people flock to. No wonder I'm attracted to vandwelling. I just want to be left alone much of the time, and it isn't because I don't want to be with you, it is just that I value my alone-time.

I do make efforts to go out. I went to church this morning, for example, and I'll go to the worship evening. But I'm not going there to see anyone in particular, except Jesus Christ. So, that's not especially a social event yet of course it involves contact with others in my church, which I find enjoyable. They are all such sweet people. Who could not love that? Seriously!

What do I need my alone-time for? Well, it is my opportunity for creativity such as blog writing and art. It is also a great time to read a book, and since I'm the Book Lady on YouTube I do have to read books. I love to read books! Book reading takes gobs of alone-time. That's why I say I have privacy needs. Silence, quiet, solitude, peacefulness, serenity - these are all words that describe my preferred lifestyle.

I wonder what it will be like to live in a van (which I'm determined I'll soon do) and not know anyone around me in a town, and not have any social pressures to do anything unless I want to. I can wake up in the morning, get ready for whatever I want to do that day, and relax inside my van or drive and sight-see. If I need a shower I can go work out at the gym and then take my shower. If it is Sunday I'll want to find a church to worship at. If I want to make a bookish video I can hunt for a bookstore or visit a library. I can anticipate all kinds of great use for my alone time while living in a van, though I won't always be alone. The chance of making deep, lasting friendships that place social pressures on me are unlikely.

I'll still be around people when I want to be - at tourist areas, at laundromats, at gyms, in stores, at the library, and at churches on Sunday . . . I'll not be totally isolated. I'll be just fine.

I had an acquaintance who tried to make me think there was something wrong with wanting to be alone. I think there's something wrong with trying to make people feel guilty for wanting to be alone much of the time. I make time for my friends, but I'm not on call whenever/wherever . . . of course, if my friend needs me for something important, I'll switch everything around and try to make time to help, if at all possible, God willing. I hope I would never desert a friend in need.

Gratitudes:

1. I'm grateful for the church I go to - not only because Jesus is there, but because it is full of people who love Him.

2. I'm grateful that I'm reading a novel I consider great literature right now. I read it right before I go to sleep at night.

3. I'm grateful that my son phones to talk to me frequently.

Plan for the day:

1. Go to church. - done

2. Well, it is Sunday - so I'm relaxing and taking it easy.

3. Worship evening at the church.

Currently reading:

1. Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? by Jeanette Winterson - I don't remember buying this last time I subbed to Audible.com - but there it is in my library, so I'm listening to it while riding my exercise bike (30 minutes at a time). So far, holds my interest.

2. Declutter Your Mind: How to Stop Worrying, Relieve Anxiety, and Eliminate Negative Thinking, by S.J. Scott and Barrie Davenport - can't remember why I was inspired to buy the Kindle version of this book, but that's probably why I need it. I started reading it last night.

An Update - My Life During 2013 and 2014

A lot has happened since I last posted here.

1. In March 2013 Bob's instability and indecisiveness helped me reach a breaking point for my residency in Happy Camp and for the relationship. I became 100% determined to move and leave him, to the point that my emotions died. I truly felt emotionally flat and desperate to change my situation there.

2. I decided to move to Idaho, and proceeded to downsize. Bob wanted to go with me. I threw away bag after bag of needless things, gave things away, gave most of my books to the library book sale, gave writing books to the Chamber of Commerce, sold what was left of my furniture including my grandmother's bedroom set which I really didn't want to sell... but I realized the need to sell my furniture so I could move more easily. [It turned out to be a good idea.]

3. The day before my move to Idaho, Bob annoyed me for the last time by threatening to burn down the house with me in it, and I told him I never wanted to see him again. He finally (!) agreed to remove all his possessions from the U-Haul truck we were loading, and the house, and he vanished into my memory. I missed him for a while, but no longer do. I'm happy he's no longer part of my life. He is a narcissist and I needed peace of mind . . . and indeed, I do have peace of mind now.

4. I gave my car to Bob before he vanished. I gave my van to my son... neither were working well enough that I wanted responsibility for them anymore. I decided that I wanted to be car-less so I'd be forced to get more exercise - walking and cycling.

5. I drove myself to Idaho, but not before I nearly died from heat exhaustion while cleaning out the house I vacated.

6. I found a nice apartment in Post Falls, Idaho only hours before I would have been forced to live in a homeless shelter.

7. Two weeks later I walked into a church for the first time in many years, and gave my life and heart to Jesus.

8. I attended a lot of church services and Bible studies, and made new friends. All my closest friends here in Idaho are Christians.

9. I started the Book Lady YouTube Channel and made a lot of videos in 2014.

10. I was baptized on July 4, 2014. Freedom in Christ.

11. I trained myself to ride a bicycle and took a 37-mile bike journey on October 4, 2014. I rode on the North Idaho Centennial Trail from the Washington state line to the end of the trail on the eastern edge of Lake Coeur d'Alene.

12. Now I'm in the process of moving again, to another apartment in Post Falls. I'm leaving a ground floor apartment to live in a third floor apartment. . . and I'm very happy about that.