Wednesday, May 29, 2002

I've been a little depressed recently. I don't know why... it comes and goes. I've heard so many sad stories in email. I'm considering taking a one week 'away from email' vacation. If you don't hear from me that is probably why. It isn't just that I need to get away from email, but I need to stop reading for a while. This is not my idea - it is something I'm supposed to be doing as part of my Artists' Way group... one week of reading deprivation. Maybe my depression is related to that need. At least I've kept up with my morning pages (three pages of writing daily)... I don't always do them in the morning but I have been getting my writing done.

Things that can contribute to depression are not enough water and not enough exercise. I should be taking better care of myself, perhaps. I'd like to get back to walking every other day like Keith and I used to do together when we first moved here. After my hysterectomy last year... well - just before then and certainly afterwards, my ability to walk failed... I was so anemic from blood loss. I'm recovered from that now and feeling better than ever... except that I really need to regain my dedication to exercise.

Tonight I did a little poetic graphic:

There's a Reason...

Happy Camp was overcast with clouds tonight as I drove through town, but there was so much beauty in the dark skies above the green of the hillsides. It was an inspiring sight despite what some might see as bad weather. I enjoyed the little rainstorms we had today... well... I should say slight sprinklings, not rainstorms, really.

Socks got bitten by a big insect today. The kids said it was a monster sized insect, and that Socks ended its brief existence after being bitten by it. It left a terrible hole in him. Really scary looking. The kids are going to show me what's left of the large insect tomorrow. They claim this is about 3 inches long and they saw another big one a couple of years ago when their aunt was here.

A caseworker posted to the message board of my Fight CPS website yesterday and really irked me so I exchanged a few messages with him today. See first posting from "huskerfan"... he's the one. Or is he a she? So many insulting things were coming out of his mind, I felt that mother-bear protective instinct to rush to the defense of all hurting CPS victims out there, so he got what he got. I wonder if he'll be back after today. I really don't need my claws sharpened anymore, but if he insists, I will take the opportunity.

In contrast there's a CPS caseworker on another message board who we've known online for over a year. He has sparred with us so many times, now his philosophy is becoming more like ours by the minute. Today he posted saying all fosterers should quit, in order to reform the system by shutting it down. Awesome! I could have written that myself!

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